Big Decision #1 - Marriage decisions and whether to commit to a life partner

It’s time to make a decision.

Is this the person you want to be with for the rest of your life?

Asking someone to marry you or committing to a partner for life, is likely to be the biggest decision you will ever make. We could rely solely on our heart to help us make this decision, but is there a more rigorous way to weigh up whether this is the right person or the right time to pop the question or commit?

Consider these scenarios:

• You’ve been together for 8 years and getting married seems like the right thing to do, but you keep having to sacrifice things you love in order to stay together. What should you do?
• Your partner is pressuring you to get married, but something in you is hesitating. What do you do?
• You’ve been together for six months and you think this is definitely ‘it’. Is it too early to ask your partner to get married?

Committing to your partner necessarily involves risk, courage and a willingness to take a chance. It is also a decision in which your intuition will play a big part. Our aim is to give you a framework to help you reflect on and clarify the decision ahead, so you are more confident in backing yourself when D-day arrives.

Overall the four mains questions that the Lenses will help you to reflect on are: 

IDENTITY LENS – WHO AM I?

Who are we as a couple and what would a future together look like?

• Why am I in this relationship?
• Who has a relationship that inspires me? What is it about that relationship that makes it special?
• Are there any serious differences we need to unpack before making this decision?
• How do I feel about what I’ve already put in to this relationship? …and got out? – Do those months or years of relationship feel like sunk costs going nowhere?.... or like a wonderful investment and experience regardless of where things go from here?
• What are my expectations in making this decision? In staying together?
• How do I see the story of this relationship? Is this a story that merits continuation? ….perpetuity? or needs change?
• Is there a reasonable fit of values? ..of interests?..of give and of take?
• Do we have a growth or fixed mindset when it comes to our relationship? Are we growing or just going through the motions?
• What daily habits form the autopilot of our relationship? (TV? Intimacy? Conversation?) What is the long-term impact of those daily habits? Is that a future I want to be a part of?
• How does my partner make me feel? Do I feel good about myself when I am around them?
• What qualities does my partner bring out in me? Curiosity? Courage? Open-mindedness? Ambition? Aspiration?
• What might this marriage/partnership be like in 5 years time?

OPPORTUNITY LENS

Do we try to spot opportunities to grow as a couple (as well as individually) and is a future together full of opportunity or Groundhog Day?

• What opportunities does us being together invite into my life? (Adventure, learning new things, new friends, picking up habits and mindsets, etc)
• What opportunities does being with you potentially make me miss out on? (living somewhere else, Having/not having kids, etc)
• What opportunities have I had to collect information relevant to making this marriage decision? What experience have I had to compare this to?
• What are the contexts in which this relationship has already been tested? (Living together? Living apart? Travelling together? External pressures?)
• What opportunities have these given me to observe relevant signals about my partner or about the relationship? Did I observe the signals objectively? Or was I selectively editing out the good signals or the bad signals?
• Have I been growing through this relationship? Does my partner challenge me? Do I want to be challenged? Or are we just going through the motions like Groundhog Day?

IMPACT LENS

Do we work smarter not harder as a couple to move towards mastery in how we relate to and love each other?

• When is the right time for making this decision – in the context of our individual lives and the relationship?
• As what I get out will mainly be related to what I put in, what must I be putting in and when can I best put it in?
• How often do I invest in us and are those choices the best ones available?
• How often do we take time to make a strategy for our relationship and making it meaningful? 
• How can we best help each other to grow? …..and our relationship to strengthen? How do we work smarter together?
• What are some conflicting aspects which need to be dealt with?  and how do we minimise their impact? …and maximise our growth through dealing with them?
• What do I need/ need to do in order to make this relationship really special? What else has to go if I’m going to make a success of this relationship? How do I make myself sensitive to where to direct my energy in this relationship?

SUSTAINABILITY LENS

Do I believe that we are a good couple to weather life’s storms together and that our love can stand the test of time?

• Can I see us growing old together?
• Do we make each other a priority in our lives or a second-thought?
• How do we negotiate the potential deal breakers? (I’m in Sydney and my partners in London, is that really sustainable?)
• Does spending time together fill my bucket?
• Do I know when to say “no”/ draw lines?
• Am I being a perfectionist? Why should I expect perfection from me or my partner?...or from the relationship?
• What are the things we should be celebrating along the way?
• Do we have a healthy balance of routine and surprises in both our lives to nourish the relationship?

Even with hours of reflecting you’ll still have to make this decision on imperfect information, putting trust in your intuition and summoning courage. This may however be easier if you have set aside some time by yourself or with a trusted friend/counsellor/psychologist/family member to reflect on some of the above questions that are relevant to you. The stakes are high and a little bit of reflection can help you to uncover the decision. Good luck!

This Week’s Challenge:

If you’re making a decision like this: Set aside one hour this week by yourself or with a trusted friend/counsellor/psychologist/family member to reflect on the above questions. Pick three questions from each Len that resonate with you and spend 15 minutes reflecting or discussing each Lens.

At the end of the hour bring together your reflections into a note to self, jotting down any of the key learnings, information you need to find out and actions that will help you be more confident in your ability to make the big decision.

If you’re in a stable relationship: Set aside one hour this week with your partner at a location you love (with your favourite food) to reflect on the above questions. Pick three questions from each toolkit that resonate with you and together spend 15-minutes discussing:

1. How this lens currently relates to your relationship
2. How this lens could help to enrich your relationship going forward

At the end of the hour take 15 minutes to experiment with creating a relationship plan that incorporates any of the key insights gained in the hour and experiment with it for one week. As you experiment with it check in, modify it if necessary to make sure it is working for both of you and try to create new ways of being together. 

Tune in on the 16th of November for the third instalment in the Big Decision Series: “Where should I call home?”

THE BIG DECISION SERIES - Lifechangers where you can only choose one option

This blog series was inspired by a conversation we had about 6 months ago, involving a big decision I (Jess) was then facing. What was interesting was that through the course of the conversation I realised that there were many dimensions to the decision that I had not considered and I ended up hugely benefiting from getting another perspective. This reflection inspired us to offer up this big decision series and the framework of the Four Lenses as a way to help you navigate any such big decisions.

You have lots of opportunities and choices, small and large, which can impact the quality and creativity of your life and can expand or shrink your world. This series focuses on one particular category of these decisions – those where you can only choose one option and which often convert into Lifechangers. Obvious examples of those decisions, which are typically faced by people in their 20s or early 30s, are:

•  marriage decisions/ commitment to life partner
• choice of country of domicile / place you call home
• decision whether to buy a home and if so, which one
• choice of career
• choice of whether to be an employee of one organisation, to set up your own business or to do a mixture of roles

Variations on these decisions which might be faced by people of other ages include:

• major health decisions (eg re major surgery)
• divorce or not
• retirement or not
• moving from a single full-time job to part time or retirement

So how do you usually negotiate these big decisions?

• by flying somewhat blind or hoping for the best?
• by relying principally on our gut and feelings?
• by following the expectations and traditions of your family and culture? Note: we are all influenced by this in our own ways or by making the decision by default? Ie You never get round to making any decisions – so either nothing ever happens or someone else makes the decisions for you.

Sometimes these approaches work, but they don’t help you to explore the full range of opportunities available and potentially cut you off from the best fit. They also are unlikely to help you when you need to make tough decisions, pioneer a big change in your life or deviate from society’s status quo. For those decisions you are likely to need a more reflective approach. For this reason we have created this blog series to help you:

• recognise that these are big decisions. There is often a broad range of potential outcomes, good and bad, that you have to live with for extended periods;
• think outside the box to understand just how big the dimensions of opportunity in this decision are. This involves both the good and bad outcomes of your decision, and the time, energy or dollars required to implement it. Alongside this are also the other opportunities that your choice will preclude you from. Think of it like food envy. You don’t just have to eat a bad dish, you also missed out on the mouth-watering main of the friend you are dining with. When this metaphor extends to love over a forty year period the envy really starts to hurt.
• prepare by anticipating these big decisions and thinking about your options and your approach to the final decision as early as you can. If you’re going to spend 30+ years in a career or a marriage or say 5 years in a job or home, it’s worth spending a few extra hours or days thinking about or preparing for the big decision or picking the brains of some trusted confidants; and
• think strategically about the big decision through the Four Lenses framework.

We’ll be aiming to do individual blogs on the relevance of the Four Lenses to each of those five decisions which many young people face – marriage, country of domicile, home purchase, career and employment v self-employment. An interesting part of this exercise has been sharing and contrasting our values, perspectives, questions and conversation starters which reflect our generational divide.

As an introduction to those later blogs it’s worth reflecting on some of the tools that are relevant across many such decisions:

Identity Lens:

• What needs of mine is this decision relevant to? What really matters to me? What are my expectations from this? What are the deal-breakers for me on this?
• What are the strengths I can bring to this?
• How do I currently see myself and my life?
• What are the other big decisions I have to make or can forsee?... and what influence might they have on this one?
• Am I currently in the right frame of mind for making this important decision?
• How do I balance logic and emotion in making this decision?
• Am I procrastinating, and if so, what is holding me back?

Opportunity Lens:

• What are the alternative routes open to me now? ..and by decision time?
• How can others open my eyes to other options?
• How would each route change how I see myself and my life?
• How will each route help me flourish? …empower me? …bring me opportunities? How big are those opportunities?
• How will each route box me in? ..disempower me? …cut me off from opportunities? How big are those opportunities I’ll be cut off from? …and for how long?
• What opportunities is procrastination cutting out?

Impact Lens:

• How do I maximise the benefits from this chosen route? … make it easier?
• Who can help me maximise the benefits from my chosen route? ….make it easier? Do I have the courage to ask them?
• How would this route change how I can grow my world?
• When is a good time to make this decision?.....and to take this step?

 Sustainability Lens:

• Are my expectations from this chosen route realistic?
• What was my mindset at the time of making the decision? What is the simple narrative which reminds me why I chose this route? (In fact, was this totally my decision and do I really own it?)
• What are the things I should be celebrating along the way?....prioritising along the way?......ignoring along the way?
• How do I avoid the dangers of perfectionism?.....and the dangers of comparisons with my neighbours, siblings or mates…?....and the dangers of others’ expectations?
• Am I prepared to put in what is necessary to make this work?
• How can others help me ensure it works?

At the end of the day you’ll still have to make these decisions on imperfect information and not necessarily at the perfect time but it helps to have a framework to plot your way.

Amplifying your positive ripples with the Four Lenses!

We all have those moments when you wish you could swallow up the words that just came out of your mouth and press rewind on the conversation. You had not meant it to come out like that… 

In our last blog we talked about how your words have the power to make a big impact on someone’s life. So how do you maximise the positive and minimise the negative impact your words and actions have on the lives of those around you?

A great place to start is to avoid the things that have a negative impact. The simplest and most certain way to avoid doing any harm is to do nothing. But surely that is not the answer and often leads to missed opportunities. Imagine if doctors or paramedics lived by this rule, many lives would be unnecessarily lost. While conversations may not often be life and death, they similarly offer up the choice to get your hands dirty and to take ownership over making a difference to someone’s life. 

So how can the Four Toolkits for life help you in your quest to amplify the positive ripples you are creating on a daily basis? 

The Identity Lens – who am I?

• Do you ask questions and listen deeply?
• What are your strengths and weaknesses in communicating with others? (Empathy / Disinterest; Listening deeply / Interrupting; Patience / Impatience; Calm and relaxed / Agitated and rushed; Open mind / Closed mind)
• How you can build on those strengths and minimise the cost of your weaknesses?
• What mindsets do you bring into your relationships and daily conversations? 

"I am having this conversation with you because...." 

• I really care about you and your life
• I want to help make a positive impact your life
• I want to learn more about you and your story

or

• I am ticking boxes
• I don’t know why
• I want to convince you that I am right

The Opportunity Lens

• Try to be curious in conversation and look for the aspects of the story you don’t yet know. You can never know the full story so look for alternative opinions, blind spots and additional facts that can help to create a shared sense of ownership over what is going on.
• Try to avoid stating your opinion as fact
• If you are in a position of power or people are coming to you for advice, what is the most useful thing you can offer? Think deeply as we often mistake this to be advice, when in fact someone may just need to feel heard and supported. Is this a really formative period when people are open to influence, a really tough period when they are searching for something to cling to, something to give them hope or something to calm them, or are they seeking objectivity, decisions, actions, constructive input or recognition of the hard work they have put in?
• What extra opportunities do you have in your day to make a positive impact on those around you? Some of our ideas include: 

• Leave a secret love note for your partner
• Tell your friend why you value them out of the blue
• Write an encouraging letter to someone in your team
• Go out of your way to help someone
• Take someone out to lunch that you feel needs support in your team and try to learn one of their strengths or a secret success stories and watch them light up
• Picking your kids up from school or surprising them in an unusual way

The Impact Lens

• How do you work smarter not harder with the way others communicate and understand your signals? Do you need to be clear with someone and softer with another? To the extent you are capable of doing so, can you aim to bring what they need?
• Can you impact and shape the context in which you send the Signal or have the interaction? Do you need a quiet place or a safe environment away from the team? Do you need to be on a walk or doing an activity with your kids? Should you sort out the issue before you fall asleep?
• If it is a time when you know someone is coming to you for help, can you prepare thoughtfully?

The Sustainability Lens

• Look after yourself – or your ability to send out positive ripples will be impaired
• Be yourself – lack of authenticity dampens the ripples
• Walk your talk – words not followed by aligned deeds soon become ineffective.

So what?

• Can you think of an instance in the week ahead where the signals you send out will be VIP? (A group meeting? A one-on-one session with a team member or peer? A difficult family situation? Your regular arrival home from work to a busy household or tired partner?)
• Which of your strengths/mindsets will be significant then?
• How will you maximise the positive impact?
• How will you ensure that it is sustained?

What Signals Are You Sending?

You’ll no doubt have heard of the Ripple Effect, where one event produces effects which spread and in turn produce further effects – like ripples from a pebble being dropped into water.  Somewhat analogous to the pebble, your words send Signals to others, and those Signals can be heavily amplified by the other person’s reflections – often leading to a Lightbulb (a significant realisation), and then to a Gamechanger or Lifechanger (a significant practical outworking from that realisation).

 One really significant example of this for me (Jess) was the Ripple Effect of a famous musician telling me that my voice sounded like a ‘broken car engine’ – a definite dream-breaking comment that for a while was a significant Gamechanger for me. While he had no bad intent, he had also not taken the time to think about the impact of his throw-away comment.

So important questions you can ask yourself are:

“Do the Signals I send out predominantly generate positive Lightbulbs for others or negative ones? And are they more likely then to generate positive Gamechangers and Lifechangers or negative ones?”

What you do know is that the impact of your words will from time to time be enormous, so it’s best having them as a force for positive spirals, although we can’t always monitor this or give the perfect response.

Sometimes subtle differences in words can produce totally opposite or unintended outcomes. Too much concern about such negative outcomes could cause you to get so cautious or deliberate about the words you choose, or so reticent to comment, forcing you to lose your spontaneity or your potential to contribute. That won’t take you anywhere positive, nor anyone else.

But you can keep in mind the sorts of words/Signals which can have positive or negative Gamechanger or Lifechanger effects on others. Let’s look at a few examples of the potentially lifechanging impacts on:

…. someone’s self-belief

• Dreammaker –big boss says to young person in their first job – “Keep up the great work. I can see you’re capable of special things.”
• Dreambreaker - critic says to aspiring artist or musician – “You should try something different. There’s nothing original in your work.”

 …. someone’s attitude to effort, learning and growth

• Teacher fostering fixed mindset – “Well done Johnny. You’re really smart.”
• Teacher fostering growth mindset – “Well done Trish. I can see your effort reflected in the final result.”
• Parent fostering perfectionist mindset – “Well done Tony. 98% is not bad but where did you lose the 2 marks?”

 …… someone’s self-esteem

• Demeaning generalization regarding the person – “Billy. You’re a bully, you selfish little s*!t.”
• Objective feedback re an action or performance – “I thought what you did to Pamela at the party today was selfish and bullying. If you feel the same about it, is there something you can do to make it up to her?”

 ……. someone’s resilience

• Supportive feedback to partner in context of a disappointment “Your charity work’s so important. It was a disappointing result at the fund-raiser. What are you considering to get a better outcome next time? Could I be more helpful next time?”
• Demeaning feedback in context of a disappointment “That was a disappointing result at the fundraiser. I don’t know why you bother with that stuff.”

If a person’s words send negative Signals and lead to negative Lightbulbs on a couple of occasions, it’s likely that their words will do so in many contexts and on many occasions.

So, to the extent you can, observe and be sensitive to the impact your words have on others, especially if you are in a position of relative power and influence ……and be sensitive to the mindsets that lead to those words.

"Watching your thoughts. They become words. Watching your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Positive outcomes tend to come from positive mindsets – from optimism rather than pessimism, from a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset, from a constructive mindset rather than a destructive one, from win/win rather than win/lose and from a calm and self-aware mind, rather than a rushed and stressed one.

So what? Take some time to answer these questions and please feel free to share any of your answers or thoughts below or on our Twitter #fourlensesforlife

• Can you think of one Signal that you sent someone today that could have impacted his or her life? (Did you encourage someone? Did you ask if someone needed help? Did you laugh at someone? Did you lose patience and snap at somebody? Did you give someone the silent treatment?)

• What mindset or situation (good or bad) led to that Signal? (Were you rushed? Unprepared? Relaxed? Present? Distracted? Burnt out?)

• Can this example help you change a Signal for the better tomorrow? (Be more prepared? Sleep more tonight? Take a few deep breaths before you respond? Ask tomorrow if he is ok?)

Some big enemies of everyday courage

Last week we noted that courage is such a fundamental ingredient of everyday life and personal growth and that “having the courage to …….” features prominently in all four Lenses. But everyday courage has some big enemies which we explore in this blog.

For professional inspiration, I (Ian) often think of Dr Raff, a German surgeon. While saving my mother’s life after a car accident in 1972, Dr Raff also sewed her almost fully severed hand back on and she gained 28 years use of it.

Dr Raff used micro-surgery techniques which were in their infancy. He had only read about them in a medical journal.  Nevertheless he had the courage to attempt the operation in a small regional hospital without specialised equipment or a YouTube of microsurgery on severed hands. He had enough challenge just saving my mum’s life.

What are some of the enemies of such courage?  

A disempowering concept of “failure”

Do you find failure disempowering and discouraging?

Superficially success and failure are often perceived as being opposites and mutually exclusive – if you didn’t succeed, you failed. And if you failed, then it’s an emotional and disempowering low. However, is it a success or failure when:

• you swim a PB but do not win the race?
• you complete your comeback game injury-free, but your team doesn’t win?
• you don’t win but you identify how you can next time?

On closer inspection, it appears that success and failure are neither mutually exclusive, nor opposites. Nor need failure be discouraging.

The most empowering perspective on success and failure we have found is that provided by Peter Senge. He defines ‘failure’ as “simply a shortfall, evidence of the gap between vision and current reality”.  It is simple and unemotive and it empowers you to recognise that gap as an opportunity to learn and as a source of energy for change. It also gives you the choice as to whether you work to improve your current reality or take the easy way out and rein in your vision.)

Dr Raff could easily have decided that saving Mum’s severed hand was too hard and the risk of failure too great. 

Fixed mindset

Do you believe that your intelligence and character are largely inherent and static, with your potential determined at birth? If so, then American psychologist Carol Dweck coined for you the term “fixed mindset”. She has shown that your fixed mindset makes you consider your performance to be a reflection of your total potential (not leaving much room for growth) and that consequently looking and feeling smart are important for you. Alternatively, if you believe that your potential is unknown and that you have the ability to learn and continuously improve yourself, then Dweck would say you have a growth mindset.

Experiments have shown that people with fixed mindsets stick to what they know, avoid failure and challenges; whereas those with growth mindsets confront uncertainty and embrace challenges as they are not afraid to fail.

Dr Raff’s ongoing study is clear evidence of his growth mindset.

Unwarranted perfectionism  

Do you strive for perfection in most things you do?

Striving for perfection is vital in world-class sport and music, in science and mathematics and in heart and brain surgery. But ironically in many areas perfectionism is unwarranted and doesn’t lead to success. Rather it can waste time, hamper learning and progress, and foster anxiety, sometimes even depression. If you can remove the burden of unwarranted perfectionism (in your mind or the minds of those around you), you are more likely to find the courage to deal with the contexts you face, take responsibility for the outcomes and more forward effectively.

No one is perfect and perceptions of perfect minds or bodies and expectations of perfect outcomes or relationships can lead you down dangerous paths (like the vicious circles which can result from harsh self-criticism).

Dr Raff could achieve a PB with Mum’s hand but not perfection. He even had to resort to using an ox bone as the principal connection between her wrist and her hand.

Comfort zones

These are risk-free contexts where your courage muscle doesn’t get a workout. You can find a comfort zone in:

• an ideology, or in the topics you regularly revert to to avoid more personal or more challenging discussions
• the familiarity of your old mates at your regular pub;
• in the job you have done with ease for the past 3 years;
• in relationships with people who never challenges you.

Ironically there is ultimately nothing comfortable about these. Most obviously comfortable jobs are never secure.

A general surgeon’s experiences in a regional hospital know few bounds. Dr Raff must have gone beyond his comfort zone many times.

Not knowing who you are

Do you know your values?  If not, you’re unlikely to find the courage to draw lines on your behavior or what you get involved with.

Do you know your purpose, your aims and your passions? If not, you’re unlikely to find the courage to seize the moment, prioritise some things and say “no” to others.

Do you know your strengths and weaknesses? If not, you’re less likely to find the courage to collaborate or to seek help.

Do you recognize and acknowledge your negative emotions? If not, how will you find the courage to deal with things causing you fear, anxiety, panic, boredom, loneliness or embarrassment.

Do you explore what you’re truly capable of? If not, you’re unlikely to take on challenges beyond your comfort zone.

Dr Raff knew himself, his values and his purpose. I know from speaking with him that he had a deep faith and a commitment to using his skills for the benefit of others.

Big opportunities can come from a little bit of extra courage. So it’s worth reflecting as to what aspect of a decision or potential action has held you back from giving your courage muscles a workout.

Courage and the Four Lenses

“A tortoise only moves forward when it sticks its neck out.“ Ricardo Semler

In choosing to blog on courage, we make no pretence of being consistently, let alone significantly, courageous. We have no experience of the bravery required in dangerous situations, which our world and the news are full of. Here we’ll stick to courage in everyday situations, personal and professional - the preparedness to take considered risks, deal with challenges, take action and push boundaries.

We’ve had a range of experiences demanding everyday courage. In those where we showed healthy courage we mostly experienced rewards:  and in those where we wimped out we typically missed opportunities or failed to deal with issues and let them fester. In some important situations our courage was enhanced by others who gave us the confidence that we had what it took to deal with a challenge.

Speaking of wimping out, one of our favourite children’s books (which we used to read together years ago) is “Willy the Wimp” by Anthony Browne.

Willy was frightened of everything and everybody but one day he answered an advertisement titled “Don’t be a wimp”. He built up his muscles, liked what he saw in the mirror and became much braver.  Willy then found the courage to defend his girlfriend Millie from the local gorilla gang.

Most ingredients of a happy and successful life depend regularly on courage, so you have lots of opportunities to give your courage muscles a workout and, like Willy, to build them up over time.

So it comes as no surprise that courage features prominently in all Four Lenses. Here’s a small selection of thought-prompters.

The Identity Lens – Do you have the courage to:

• ask yourself “Who am I?”, “What things in life are deeply important to me?” and “What are my values?”
• handle feedback with an open mind?
• believe someone when they say you are capable of big things?
• explore and face up to your feelings?
• explore what mindsets are running your life?
• be objective about your strengths and weaknesses?
• seek objective feedback ?

The Opportunity Lens – Do you have the courage to:

• dream big? …and tell others about your dreams?
• move outside your comfort zone or travel to unfamiliar territory?
• be a player not a victim when the going gets tough?
• perform or display your creative work publicly?
• acknowledge when you’ve closed your mind and then take steps to open it?
• embrace change and look for opportunities in it?
• recognize that you’ve got a lot to learn?
• put a proposal to someone and risk rejection? 

The Impact Lens – Do you have the courage to:

• commit to and prioritise a particular direction?
• make decisions on the available imperfect information?
• seize the moment?
• tell things as they are and ask for help?
• take on a challenge or experiment and risk failure?
• be vulnerable?
• back someone you believe in even though others may not? 

The Sustainability Lens – Do you have the courage to:

• ask yourself whether the journey you’re on is fulfilling and sustainable?
• ask yourself about the long term cost of continuing down your current path?
• set boundaries? ….and say “No” even when that might disappoint others?
• pursue your own path, not that prescribed by your family, culture or society?
• be true to yourself, despite pressure from peers or your boss to do otherwise?
• be objective about which of your life roles or relationships are regularly draining?
• tackle the conversations needed to make your life more fulfilling and more sustainable?

So you have lots and lots of chances in everyday life to exercise your courage muscles. Do you notice when you do exercise them and when you choose not to? And do you sometimes notice the results of that?

In next week’s blog we’ll explore some big enemies of everyday courage.